last monday, on martin luther king jr. day, roman got sprung from the "cribby." after much resistance about being put behind bars every night and much cajoling and wheedling to sleep anywhere else, he now sleeps in his own big boy bed.

we put the crib on craigslist for free and by nightfall, a filipina nurse had taken it away. i felt a bit wistful about seeing it go. my little man is growing up.

that little man has completed me in a way nothing else in my life has. i got married with no intention of having kids. dan and i were together for seven years before we tied the knot and childrearing was not on either of our agendas. i was a bartender and writer with a penchant for travel.

on valentine's night, four months after our wedding, i told dan i'd like to "roll the dice" and see if i got pregnant. i didn't want regrets. so we did. a month later i found out i was pregnant. nine month later, girlie!!

that little girl changed my life so completely, so unexpectedly, and so much for the better, i was completely floored. one of the things that nobody ever told me is how much my values would change. i no longer cared the same way about my career, my goals, my travel plans, or my personal journey of self-actualization. and i didn't care that i didn't care. i felt my life had been put in perspective. and i had no idea that it wasn't before.

that first year was absolutely the hardest our marriage has ever known. at times i really didn't think i could hang. i tearfully imagined myself in a studio apartment with parker and our nanny, my support system.  yet at the same time, this is when my "maternal instinct," which was heretofore non-existent, washed over me like the irrational, emotional tsunami i had only previously heard about. i had to have another baby. i just had to.

it made absolutely no rational sense. i simply could not imagine myself complete without having this experience again. i needed to complete this family i started.

sometimes i feel like i willed this little being into existence. he makes me feel whole, someone who always thought she could fulfill herself completely. he gives me a sense of peace and contentment i didn't know i was seeking. and i absolutely can't imagine life without him.

i got a gig!

i'm writing a new insight guide book — select guide san francisco. it's a new series for IG focusing on hand-picked destinations and itineraries from a local's perspective  — that'd be moi! perfect gig for frisco mama. it's a crapload of work, but just the stuff i like to do. i'm pumped! so glad to be spending my time doing something i enjoy instead of clockwatching at the chronicle while my life slowly drains away.

i didn't sufficiently write about our amazing night at the tower suite of the fairmont last month, it was pretty spectacular. i wrote a piece on the restoration of the lobby several years ago for a chronicle publication. for the piece, i took a hard hat tour and saw some really fascinating stuff that was found during the excavation including beautiful domes in the laurel court that had been covered over for many years, a vintage silver tea set, and hand-painted murals in the merry-go-round bar which closed decades ago.

i was invited to stay last month which happened to be dan's birthday. i came straight to the top of nob hill from work and hooked up with dan, mom, and the kids in the lobby, which was completely decked out winter wonderland style. it was magical.

we checked in to our rooms — a tower suite with a staggering city view that spanned from the spires of st. ignatius in the west to barges twinkling in the bay in the east. two cable car lines crisscrossed far below, and a telescope allowed us to see into the neighboring 'top of the mark' bar of the mark hopkins hotel across the street. or wherever else we felt like snooping. a fruit and cheese tray and a bottle of cabernet awaited us.

an adjacent double room was set up for the kids with giant chocolate chip cookies and chilled glasses of milk.

we soaked it all in, then headed to the tonga room to meet friends for dan's birthday. despite the rumors, the tonga room & hurricane bar is still open and is not in danger of closing. for those who haven't been, it is the essence of high-end tiki kitsch. a pacific rim restaurant with an expansive and reasonably-priced buffet, it is better known for big, tropical cocktails in coconut shells and the band who floats out in the pool in the middle of the room after a simulated thunderstorm. an experience not soon forgotten.

the kids loved the leis and the fake storms, but being so close to a pool in a dark room was excruciating with a two-year-old. we packed them off to the suite with my mom where they watched children's programming on their flat-screen tv, wrapped in frette linens.

between dan and i, we have personally toured a dozen schools looking for the right spot for little miss p. in september.

i kept waiting for that 'aha!' moment when i felt i'd found the perfect place. kind of like how i felt when i found my wedding dress. didn't happen. well, that's if you don't include the french american international school, which i totally fell in love with, but is private and a whole different ballgame. but now i have to decide how to play the san francisco unified school district (sfusd) lottery game with the clock ticking.

for the uninitiated, one must choose up to seven schools on the application which goes into a city-wide lottery. the deadline for these apps is friday. a huge part of me wants to go for a spanish immersion program. an equally big part values the simplicity and community of a local school. none of the city's spanish immersion schools are close to us, so those concepts cancel each other out.

i really thought by now i would have decided on some kind of strategy, it's unlike me to not have a gut feeling about something so important.